Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
