Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
