$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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