I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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