just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize