Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize