"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
