the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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