my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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