I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
