I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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