You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
