hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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