I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
