We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
