She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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