I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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