T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
