Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
