I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
