I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
