That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
