but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
