Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
