Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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