wrigley field is MILF paradise
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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