My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
