she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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