i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
