A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Randomize
