Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
