Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
