Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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