Soap is not a condiment
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
