Joe is yelling at the trees again.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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