Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize