Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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