Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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