she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
