i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
