I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
