So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
