My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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