I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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