i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
