quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize