Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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