I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
