Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
