I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
