For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
