Joe is yelling at the trees again.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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