so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
