I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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