I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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