call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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