i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
