Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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