I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
