grandma shit on top of the toilet
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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