cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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