oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
