I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
