I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
