I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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