Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize