bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
